Sunday, November 25, 2007

drown in my own tears...
i am just so fed up with my family...
SOMETIMES u feel like they don't understand, why are they being so unfair... They had been very very unfair once.. and now and again and again and again, it never ends...
Why when my sis slap me i have to apologise??? Why is it when i do the things i do because i care for them... THEY never understand, so nvm...I will continue living in my fucked up life...
haix...
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it doesn't matter anyway... I am good at pretending probably Mr Alvin saw through.. but nevertheless, i am just tired..
9:50 AM
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Saturday, November 24, 2007
three people made an impact in my lives today...
No.1 DEBROAH!
One of the female warrior in raven... she let me rmb how bad my days in sec and pri sch days was.. when i survived without pocket money... suffering gastric and stuff.. yes i know we are all busy.. but we have to still get our three meals... ok i am surving on one meal a day.. but the fats stored up for the past few years are putting into use.. so deb... eat ur three meals regularly...
NO.2 MR SEBASTIAN!
i attended the power builder session yesterday... and today he reminded me as a second lesson.. Learnt a lot more... have to put thoughts into action.. i guess that is the most impt... AND ABOUT DUPLICATING.. duplicating my uplines..
NO.3 MR TIMOTHY!
much like kristy.. mr timothy is always joking around with us, but today i saw the other side of him.. makes me want to cry too..
EVEN as we always thing we are very poor thing, know there is someone out there who is in a plight far worse than you...
2:41 AM
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Monday, November 19, 2007
Hanging on the thread... Just like my jeans, hanging on my waist with a safety pin, with an amazing result of weight lost of 5 inches, 4kg?? I can't fit into my skinnies, it's more like hipster? eh?? Dress all black with emo spects, black nails and stuff they all thought i turned into a emo kid.. NO LURHH.. puhlease.. just that i don't feel like talking...
16th nov just passed.. reminds me of 16th nov 1996, the day my mom made a decision..
16th Nov 1996
House, havoc
Things thrown around
Root:"Daddy and mommy quarrelling over jie jie's guzheng class."
Daddy and mommy got physical, mommy packed, asked my sis pack too... they wanted to throw me alone with my domestic violent dad.. Knowing that when he is angry it doesn't matter who is the one beside with him, he just whack... They wanted to leave me to die.. They want to abandon me.. They don't want me.. I had to beg mommy to bring me along... But I'm still the abandoned kid.. do i matter to them? I hate myself for everything.. I hate the fact i was borned..
10:44 PM
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Sunday, November 18, 2007
It's still 13 days to hit ME! gosh kena play out by alvin haw.. anyway... hopefully amin will stay..
Pretty down this few days.. keep feeling like crying and smoking...
haix.. school tmr..
After mr Alvin said now i getting more and more goth, I brought my piglet speaker bag today.. but piglet negative.. He told me secretly... :"Why you leave me alone in the cubicle... I kena molested by the people there... ,>.<, why you leave me all alone??"Then I brought him up for some air.. erm.. smoke to exact and accidentally i scalded him.. He cried:"I'm negative now.. why you burn me?" Then Xueting said, that they i smoke then i burn my hair.. now again i burn my piglet... OK NOW EVERYONE SYMPATHISE THE PIGLET.. nvm la.. i gave it a brush in the PKMS... haha..
11:28 PM
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Saturday, November 17, 2007
Let's face it... In reality we all know if sunshine was to pull out now, our economy is gonna take a big blow... the employment rate?? the GDP? the consumption of the household? How many people actually invest in property? their savings gone? all and all etc... U see the impact.. Of course i can say one black sheep harms the whole herd.. I worried about carine jie jie.. and even if my whole family don give a damn about her.. watching her to fail.. BUT WE WILL PRESS ON!!! It's not easy for us I know, for a girl who is so determine that she slitted her wrist and even left such a scar.. I respect her.. She isn't as bad as what daddy and mummy said she is.. I know.. People change.. It's u who is unable to accept her.. No doubt at times I doubt her credibility, but so many ppl brag nowadays.. At this tring time we all must press on.. I know that when you do things without your family's support it is really difficult.. And facing negativity from all over... =[[ haix...
Things are messy right now, but i am more afraid for my relative.. WHATEVER u guys may say.. I believe net working can make it big.. See Bill gates, when u spent 200 people's 1 day u get 4800hrs assuming every hr u earn a comission of 1 dollar.. u earn $4800.. THen u can say but the labour no need pay meh.. Let's take a look at mc donalds? the cocacola.. price of one coke 5cents? sell as $1.90 then they earn 185 cents and so we have 3 counter within an hr they can sell let's say 10 cups? 5550cents.. about $55.50 and the 3 people get paid about $4 per hr so $55.50-$12.00=$43.50.. ONE DAY let's say 12 hrs? $522 dollars, 10 days? $5220.. one month? $16K is no issues tat is just coke.. and how many outlets they have worldwide.. talking about MLM, Hey! MC DONALDS IS INTO IT TOO!
So go to hell to those who think it can't make it big.. Have u done it? have you actually stay long enuff to see result.. do u really want to succeed?? It's ur life, I have nv FORCE anyone to buy or come down.. Always went with a mindset to benefit.. So EVEN mummy who nows threaten to terminate my pocket money and even sch fees.. I don't wanna care.. I am determined..
XMAS is coming i am gonna work hard and avoiding the daunting past.. damn it is back.. I'm determined.. you leh.. u wan log cake or pandan cake??
11:27 AM
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Thursday, November 15, 2007
Yesterday I HAD A VERY VERY BAD TRAUMA in the night.. should i say 2..
NO.1 during diner after we finish all the food and stuff as mr alvin was talking to xueting.. all of a sudden the cat jumps onto xue ting's seat... i imd pushed my seat behinds and kept my legs up then, Mr wai jun they all notice THE CHANGE, xueting came back and wondered why her seat was taken, apparently as i was staring at the cat and it looking with sympathetic eyes, someone pushed the chair and it jumped off rushing towards me. the next thing was a scream and tears..
,>.<, OKAY! so what if i am afraid of cats.. i din even blog abt the prev time me and joan came back from kumon and I REFUSE to cross the bridge cause there was a cat at the other end..
CATS ARE STUPID SCARY ANIMALS pretending to be innocent.. NO2.
Mr leon and thistle was talking about WISDOM tooth and how bad mr leon's experience was with this girl he always quibbled with and that how that day his face swelled like double the size and then he put on the hoodie and the girl only notice the CHANGE after the first half of the show.. and also not forgetting to demostrate how SCARY THE DENTIST COULD BE! by taking the 2 bottles of nails as the tools.. =S my nightmare began as i dreamt that i had this shaky tooth and was extracted by this very very scary dentist.. SSSSCCCCCCCCCAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYY..
9:08 AM
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Monday, November 12, 2007
WOOHOO.. I am older by one year already... gosh and that stupid ye kai say until like i so so so old liddat... got so old meh.... Ji dan...
anyway...
Thanks for those who messaged me last night...
and those who sent me messages before 12 am thanks too.. .
I WAS APPALLED WHEN I SAW ALAM's MSG!! haha he remembered.. or at least his phone did... haha... oh wells.. that pays off with the cake.. ALAM! I STILL RMB URS! 13 sept the day every muslim started fasting... HAIZ!!! haha...
9:52 AM
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Sunday, November 11, 2007
WHERE'S ALF WHERE'S ALF WHERE'S ALF???????
WHERE IS HE WHEN I NEED HIM THE MOST?? WHERE??? I HATE HIM, WHY DID HE LET ME FEEL SO DEPENDENT ON HIM YET LEAVE ME??? WHY??? IT'S BEEN THREE YEARS.. AND HE JUST THROWS ME IN TO THIS DEEP PIT.. DON'T HE KNOWS THAT I AM SUFFERING IN EXCRUITING PAIN... WHY ISN'T HE HERE WHEN I NEED HIM MOST..
IT IS MY BIRTHDAY TMR.. but he is there with abigail.. my darling angel in germany.. I hope you are happy now..
9:50 AM
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I HATE MYSELF!!! i hate my parents... everything is crushing down... why isn't everything working right??? why don't they understand?? WHY WHY WHY????! THE PEOPLE WHO MADE ME FEEL LIKE I WISH I WAS NV BORN are my parents...
I HATE YOU ALL!! a mother that stands at the side with daddy that is domestically violent and demanding and unreasonable, and a sister that simply watches the "show".. Actively adds fire and oil... I FEEL like I AM COMPLETELY OUT OF THIS WORLD!!! out of where i belong...
I WISH I WAS NEVER BORN...
12:57 AM
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Saturday, November 10, 2007
Well.. There is just a few talents i left with....
Cooking...
Crying...
Calling...
What can I do when put them together? Cook up a story and call on the phone crying... Haha... no la...
I just want to do this things really well and put them into good use...
LIKE! Open my own candy shop or dessert shop and then i will cry all the way cause IT IS SO HARD to reach the goal... NOt everyone is born with a sliver spoon...
Facts
Large Capital Needed
Planning
Financial stability
Income
Enviromental Analyse
etc
Ideas
Work
work more
work somemore
Savings
Learning Issues
In context of VEG pte LTD
How to Do my ABC tee up and intro properly?
Breaking bonds?
Closing?
How to close multiple products?
How to approach the cold market?
How to build charisma?
Actions
Stay later in the night to learn presentation
Go for more SA
Study more in sch abt managment skills.
Lalala... I will do some SWOT ANALYSE one day... *CHUs. >.<
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Yesterday was one BAD HAIR DAY!! what did I do with it???? I made it worse... I messed it all up and put on a tiara.. That makes me a havoc princess.. But the whole day i was MAD la.. MK knows it all... LALALALALA.. SA was attached by Blue Rhino's Miao Hua, He was from TP's LRM... lol.. TP is cool.. but too cool alr.. I'm getting bored... Haix.. so is all the "sai gang" aka shitty work from PC.. we are not free labours or bangla... ROCK BAND AND BLASTING FUCKING LOUD AND DISTRUPTIVE MUSIC IS BAD FOR LEARNING AND EARS.. SO WOULD TP SPARE OUR EAR DRUMS!!! ALSO PROVEN IT IS BAD FOR BRAIN.. WE GET DUMMER!!! JUST LIKE THE DRUMMER... LALALA! BB!
9:37 AM
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Thursday, November 08, 2007
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
For GIRLS to read nia.. unless you can take the gross content..
HAVE YOU FEEL LIKE YOUR WHOLE
UTERUS IS DROPPING DOWN.. LIKE MISCARIAGE??
omg!!!! i'M IN FUCKING PAIN... argh!!! rah rah!!! JI DAN... 4 DAYS... MA??! FOUR DAYS... .. . ARGH... CAI YUN new downline damn rah rah... TALK MORE THAN ME!!! hmph... how is it possible 3 guys talk like 29 people... none stop... tsk tsk.. the moment they come in will stop doing anything cause they so noisy.. RAWRS!!! haha... *NEVER TRY TO PROVOKE A MENSTRATING WOMAN.. went to toilet bo paper... KNS.. and the blood was dripping... and dripping... EEWWWWWWWWWW... =S OK I AM PMSING OK???
don't provoke me... DON'T! RRRRRAHHHHHHHH...
10:37 PM
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I've always say that breaking up is easy...
You just got to say BREAK and you will BREAK! but then i have never said
letting go is easy.. cause it is not...
3 years and i am still trying to let go..
when will i see him once more.. wtf.. he is freaking married.. now with a daughter abi..
but the memories we shared is irreplaceable..
ihavelostmysmiles.darling. i'm tired and you are never here like you used to.
I just am shifting all thoughts to WORK WORK WORK and still..
The tears I cried for the past few years.. can feel up a tank.. and
i still can't let go... they say big girls don't cry.. but i am still sixteen.. left 4days.. sidetrack: NETWORK MARKETING may be difficult and challenging, but what's the point with just streching your hands out for money??
12:25 PM
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Wednesday, November 07, 2007
HOw many of u guys have heard of up your service college by ron??
I was just amazed at how interactive and how that the man was just so charismatic...
I mean he looked just like a bald botak ang moh... but he was just very interactive la..
Quite an experience..
planning k-box.. they wan on friday.. so i got 6pm appointment cannot make it.. =[
haix... and then.. i donno.. This week i fighting sales... going 12th nov le ma... MUST FIGHT!
辛苦一点不用尽but the effort must pay off.. It might be difficult I know but I must carve out to prove to those that YES! commission jobs can work.. VEG can work.. and that It will be better cause a monthly pay of at least $532.. freelance.. Quite lucrative right? So now I will work hard.. =D
3:15 PM
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Sunday, November 04, 2007

why i worth only $50,000,000?? sia la.. sound so cheap liddat leh... haha.. anyway, vivian paid me a visit at the office today.. and my day was pretty long.. skip the details.. and also.. I FOUND OUT THAT!!!...I AM BANGLA SENSITIVE.. i took 67 from lot one... I fell asleep all the way.. But once i reached litlle india, my nose began to itch... and i started sneeze.. the moment the got on.. my nose blocked le.. no ouran.. I am quite afraid of the smell.. Not that i am being racist or what but there are some pungent i am afraid.. like durian?? =SSO.. if mr timothy is reading the THING IS.. I will never like indian LURH! haha.. IloveBANGLAs. IamSENSITIVEtoBANGLAs.Yup that's right... WORKING HARD TO SUCEED YANNO!
11:56 PM
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Yesterday..
Xy suppose to come down to VEG one then she sick... haix.. Hope she is feeling better now.. But anyways.. Managed to SA my cousin leh qing aka carine down...
As expected it was more on sunshine.. But listening to her story makes me feel sad for her.. Ok if the stories were indeed true I hope she is doing well..
As for me... I will just continue fighting.. Hopefully next month she will buy something from me lor..
In the night was jus a mini gathering under the blocks of eunos where we drank and smoked.. Moral of story NV drink water before drinking.. can only drink after.. haiz.. but the time I reached home.. have to paka with my sis.. first thing to do chiong toilet to bathe.. SEE I RMB EVERYTHInG LA! proven not drunk.. haha.. but anyway i bathe and kept eating sweet.. =D
9:20 AM
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Saturday, November 03, 2007
FACING WITH THE CRUELTY OF THE fucked up WORLD..
As I went to start at VEG, I began to know more.. More about my own's heritage..Just ONE Sales Appointment and... I found out more about my dad's biological mom he refuse to acknowledge even after so many years.. The taboo in the house.. The truth digusts me... The truth that my Dad said after a thunderstorm with me was appalling.. Who has ever told me about the truth? the truth hidden so many years back.. Since when did I know her existence?? a couple of year ago.. But I still doubt her existence.. THey told me she is dead.. THEN, just in the CNY of 2007, my great aunt told me more.. But as I start to see the big picture, I'm getting horrified..
It's only now that I understand the truth is the filthiness in my blood, so much so that I hate myself for living in this world.. That even when my dad and mum scold me, I feel numb.. I will acknowledge it as.. IT ALL LIES IN THE BLOOD! face it.. Till the day they get it, I refuse to becker with them much.. I hate going home.. THe TRUTH DIGUST ME! THE PAST IS DAUNTING.. But this DOES NOT LEAVE MY HOPE FROM DIMINISHING..
I have my dreams and my hopes, I don't care if they get it or not.. Now, even as I think of it, It doesn't matter.. What's in my mind is I want to move out.. The reason is simple, I am leaving this house with three strangers, they are called my family.. But what lies within is just the digusting filthy blood and dna they flows within us.. I WANT A BREAKTHROUGH.. I don't need a father that put me down everyday.. As much as your dad hates you have he used all this quotes before??
"You are a fucking bastard, worst than a beast, even the beast also not like you all like that. Even the dog will still pick up the newspaper.. What can you all do?"
"If I were you I will go up stairs and jump down, you live in this world for what?"
"If you think you so independent move out of the house, the door is always open.. "
"If you can don't touch my things, my bed, the computer, my money, Like I hate my dad, I never use his things at all, I don't even stay in the house.. I move out when I was very young."
Let me just introduce you to some of the *great events that mold me into who I am..
- My sister stole a sum of money many many years ago and refuse to acknowledge it, but how my dad dealt with it? He took the belt and whipped us up, till there was a blood mess all over me that the blood and flesh was just a bloody mess.. I was fucking FIVE THEN.. He whipped us so bad that I ACKNOWLEDGE IT Cause I really couldn't take it anymore.. AND I WAS PUNISHED!! now you all understand why I hate my sis even after so many years.. This was something I can't get over even untill today.. I have never ever heard a sorry from them at all.. I LOATHE THEM!!! Then i tried making my sis pay for it.. I stole money and put it in the wallet and stuff.. BUt that was a utter failure, Cause after since.. IT WAS ALWAYS ME..
- Often their HIGH standards of cleaniness drive me crazy.. Floor w/o dust? Table without books even if you are doing work?? Eversince P6 I have been doing my own laundry.. And eversince then I began my plan of moving out.. Why? I found that I am in my own world.. And that the many times when the standards are not to satisfactory level, He STOPS ALL INCOME, no money for food and stuff and he will throw all our staff into plastic bags and throw them out.. Tear our books and uniform, ask us stop going to school.. Take things and throw at us.. Ever once he took the dustbin and whacked down my head.. I was P5 then.. The next thing I knew.. My world black out and mummy insisted on me going to school with bruises all over and one on my head.. I couldn't stop crying.. The vice-principle wanted to call the police but mummy stop them.. SHE SAID:"It's all my fault.." So what did I do wrong? THat MY VAIN SISTER used the nail polish and threw them all over?
-How many of you have to listen to 2 hours lecture just to get out of the house? Because of that I have grown so defensive as I understand If I KEEP INTERUPTING then what he can say he will forget or I will just stomp out in the end.. I will save about 1.5hrs..
To me my dad had been nothing more then a real jerk.. Just this year my dad drove me to failed sucide attempt of 8 times.. Just wait and see when it comes nearer to my birthday.. things will get worse.. Just in case you don't know, every year I loathe my birthday, But I LOVE the anticipation of what will happen when i celebrate it with my frens.. There's no warmth in here..
Somehow I thinking If I were to be able to leave this fucked up family that treats me worse than the shit, I can do abundant in life..
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I am quite pissed about sunshine though.. ok LET'S JUST ASSUME THEY ARE FINE!! I would consider sunshine as one of the most sucessful MLM around.. I personally feel that MLM is good.. Though I may not like the investment part of suunshine.. But let's face it.. they are making money and also attracting a lot of ppl..
In times of bad press the people at SUNSHINE is still possitive over it.. They FEEL that MAS watching sunshine ENSURES that they wouldn't not get scam.. and ALSO.. THey feel safer..
My interpretation:
Bad press machiam like blacklisted..
EG. I skipped tutorial, tutorial teacher blacklist me.. But I feel save cause teacher watching me mah.. SO that I won get skip.. but the thing is i skipped liao.. Teacher just get more awareness nia ma.. What If I skipped again but nv tio caught? Like go take MC cover up?? Or come out with flawless plan.. like go for tutorial then go "toilet".. teacher mark attendance le ma.. What can teacher do right?? RIGHT??
sadded.. My cousin in Sunshine.. But I am very interested in SUNSHINE YOU KNOW?? like how their sucessful story.. How my cousin ENGLISH SO POWER.. better than mine even though she was brought up in chinese family.. and dropped up early and married at 18.. =Snow 27 with 4 kids..
and why am i pissed? cause some ppl go sunshine take vaccination.. After they go sunshine they ask a lot questions like they assume ALL the trade machiam under one policy and working method NIA! ji dan.. ask a lot of redudant question.. seriously.. I don't like to answer this question cause in the end i will make you feel dumb and stupid i know this very well.. haha..
9:43 AM
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Friday, November 02, 2007
What are you going to do with your life???
Have you hear the thunders roaring? are you afraid to take one step out of your comfort zone cause you are so afraid that the lightening will strike you down??
While i have a place in school, I am wondering, what am i going to do after my diploma and cert. Look for a job?? In the IR?? Hotel?? whatever shit??
DAMN i can't see myself there at all..
Nevertheless VE helps me to hold to my dream..
MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE by 18.. hey that is in 375days time.. rah!!!
gotta fight..
2:10 PM
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Today was VE outing at orchard.. and guess what??
There was this accident in dhoby gaut and the train didn't move for a F*ing long time..
And so later a lot of civil defence came.. what amazed me was that people actually got off the train to gather round to see what happen...
SO DOTZ...
anyway i took a bus from dhoby gaut.. but being a "Kpoh".. i din even know what was going on..
Anyway to cut things short.. It was fun with blue raven.. we had k buffet and we sang and even played pool.. Of course at the smoking room we noticed the "air purifier" of our competitior one sia.. haix..
If anyone has connection to the head head of k box tell me please.. i understand there will be a kbox at pasir ris soon..
Anyway in any case, if anyone looking for high paying jobs call me...
It's so late and i just reached home.. *yawns.. have fun!! while i look for more articles..
2:23 AM
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